In relationships- in the beginning- we always do the same things, and vow that this time it will be different. It will be different because this time, we won’t ever stop doing the little things, paying attention to the small beautiful and intricate details that make up the bigger picture that can gets muddied with the mundane. We will keep buying flowers, promise to compliment, and all this topped by a one hundred percent guarantee that lines of communication will stay open, honest, and filled with goodness and positive- albeit constructive- criticism.

We never set out to fail. We have failed before, we did not plan on it, so this time around, with steadfast determination we are arming ourselves with the power to make. It. Work.

With openness and honesty also comes comfort. Some people may take refuge in the knowledge that their significantotherboyfriendhusband is at a level that is so totally bare he feels connected enough to you that he can say, quite literally, anything. The flip side: it might also be detrimental to this pseudo notion in your brain that the two of you still have that newness you had in the first stages where you were convinced you were the only one who ever touched him. The only one who ever held his gaze, and he yours.

The only one he ever called

Beautiful.

How foolish we are in the beginning. And how I love the beginning, because foolishness is so completely justified. We dance on the first few pages of this novel that we are not only rewriting and revising, but re-reading. We dance around topics, promising to get to them later. We tip toe around one another, ever so careful not to step too far out of our boundaries*, yet still aware that we are not alone and if we don’t at least extend a hand, all of our hard work thus far will slip through our fingertips. Wasted. Again.

When do we cross over? When do Thrill and Security become friends? If we are to act like peacocks, why is it that they show off their plumage to their potential mates immediately and with fervor, to make their presence and offerings known, while we wait until months later to sport around our true colors?

I want this, what we have right now, in another six months. I want it to be a constant build-up, where we are placing intricately designed bricks that we hand-picked ourselves, layer over layer. I want us to build a safe haven where you and I can find solace when we are tired of running and fighting for the day. A place that is structurally sound enough to withstand all of the hardships that are sure to impact any two people bridging together one life. This place that we have created needs to be strong enough to hold its own when you and I are out in a world that does not necessarily have any regard for the injustices we may face.

A bond, like a home, needs to be strengthened from the inside out. That way, when we are standing outside on the cracked pavement peering through the small window, the light that shines so brightly lends us the reminder we need to always be mindful of that feeling that rendered you speechless.

When you first looked, and then again, when you finally saw.

*For you, as it is your most-used word.